Penny's Jottings

Life goes on, inexorably, slowly edging forward into the unknown

Opening pockets of loss, revealing sudden sensations of grief

A smell, a comment, the tears erupt, breathing is laboured

Chest feels constricted and the brain becomes fuzzy and sad

My heart is heavy in my chest, my head is heavy on my shoulders

My throat is constricted, all because I looked for what was missing

I looked for a comment, a word, a phone call, I looked for love

I looked for meaning, I found a space, a large, looming gap

I looked for comfort and found it in my friends and family

It rains a lot in Cornwall, and the wind is blustery too

There is mud from one end to the other, we all know that is true

I have walked the coastal paths with unsteady, slippery gait

Avoiding rain filled puddles and trying not to skate

I have walked on misty mornings where the view is just a peek

A promise of what’s to come, a beauty quite unique

The rolling greenness of the hills, the birdsong overhead

The bluebells glowing in the woods, the badgers all abed

The glorious blue of a sun-soaked sea, surfers in the rain

The villages seeped in history, many secrets they retain

The raucous call of the seagull, the glimpse of a hunting seal

The thorny scratch of a blackberry bush,  the berry’s juicy appeal

I have seen the buzzard overhead, coasting by easily

I have watched the tall ships sailing by, flying by breezily

I recall the ghosts of previous walks, companions now long gone

The chat, the laughter, the wonder shared, I never feel alone

Cause they are with me on the coastal path, we are never apart

We walk together companionably, in the centre of my heart

Sometimes I feel alone when I’m surrounded by good folk

Where my values and opinions are defined as feminist and woke

And the demands of polite behaviour makes me want to choke

I hear my voice and deep inside I wish I had never spoke

Sometimes my age defines me and people think I’m cute

And laugh at every utterance, and tell me I’m a hoot

Sometimes I am seen as wise and regarded as astute

But I long to dance a jig in a hat and birthday suit

There are times I’m on my own and have inner conversations

When I reflect upon the journey of myself and my relations

And I linger on the dangers of miscommunications

Wondering if my children will acheive their expectations

Gender, age and race, ability and status

Inhibit and restrain how folk around us rate us

Our passions and beliefs influence them to like or hate us

And we can end up in a group of people who just bait us

When I am alone I’m rarely lonely, my thoughts are always turning

My busy brain is analysing the issues that are concerning

From my family to wars and global forest burning

But sometimes, in groups, I feel loneliness returning.

Bother, dash and blast!

This year’s gone by so fast!

I’m feeling a little dizzy

but I have been very busy

I went on holiday on train

I went to UK on a plane

I’ve sung with friends in Tassie

I’m a very busy lassie!

I’ve shared many lunches

eaten countless brunches

of books I’ve read many

I havent saved a penny!

I’ve farewelled a special pal

a much loved, lovely gal

I work two days a week

my bank account looks bleak

I’ve loved family and friends

Now the year comes to an end

I wait for granchild number eight

(who has missed the arrival date)

this year has gone so fast

looking back, it’s been a blast

I have read a book or two

tales of love and derring do

where women scream

and children dream

and men are tough

but sweet and gruff

I have entered the lives of ancient folk

highway robbers in mask and cloak

I have felt the fear of being stalked

and seen the road with body chalked

I have endured the stress of Austen’s stories

where women live to praise men’s glory

I have read fantasy, horror and fairy tales

unable to sleep for the plight of whales

I have been scared to death and bored to tears

and when I look back from across the years

I wonder how many hours I’ve expended

avoiding various jobs that have pended

‘But here’s the rub’ (is that misquoted?)

When there’s a good book the rest is outvoted

My decision to attend a book club was laudable

so many books and now I’ve joined Audible!

I woke to the patter of heavy rain, a dark, damp morning

Overcast, dull and wet, wet, wet. A misly, drisly blowy day

I could hear cars swishing and sloshing in the flooded road

Drearily I joined the crawling queue, car rocking in the wind

Car radio booming out tales of war, violence and loss

Wipers swishing rhythmically, heater blowing cold air

Young people trudging, reflecting the misery, soaked

Shop lights flickering, people running, dodging cars

Then , there on the pavement, on a cold, wet dark morning

There was a woman, clothed in black, with white shiny boots

Flowing blonde hair and a transparent umbrella

As I watched she twirled and skipped and clicked her heels

She danced in the rain, in the heavy downpour she swayed

She cavorted,  she pranced, she jumped, hopped and span

The rain flew off her umbrella as she pirouetted

The puddles splashed and twinkled as she tapped and stamped

I watched, laughter spilling, dreariness forgot

I watched as she walked on, my spirits lifted

Are you okay? Is it OK to say

you look a bit down in the mouth today?

Are you ok? Is the future so bleak

You don’t want to meet it? Not even a peek?

Are you ok? Do you hide what you feel?

Smiling a smile that isn’t quite real?

Are you ok? Is life just too hard

Have you been dealt an impossible card?

Are you ok? Can we share a cuppa?

a laugh, a story till we’re on an upper?

RUOK?

I miss you in the morning when you trundle down the hall

dog skipping cheerily beside you

I miss breakfast with you, counting the birds, chatting

crossword puzzles rejected

I miss the shining morning faces, loving faces

caring for and loving you

I miss the orderliness of your day, the structure

each day with its own rhythm

I miss the visitors, kind faces, offering love

giving joy, food, laughter, gossip

I miss the buzzzing of the bees, the song of the birds,

nagging seagulls, mooing cows, church bells

I miss being beaten at cards and Upwords with hand drawn letters

I miss lazy afternoons fixing world problems

I miss four o clock visits and struggling with jigsaw puzzles

I miss nights of Midsomer Murders

Most of all I miss you