Penny's Jottings

Leslie has left us, she left in a hurry,

Those left behind are all in a flurry.

We miss her presence, her ready smile,

We wish she was here to chat for a while.

There are things we would like to say to her face,

To mention her kindness, caring and grace,

To speak of her resilience and her strong will,

Her laughter that echoes in our memory still.

When I first met Leslie she was oh so small

with a sweet little face and a lacy shawl

she was born with closed fists and a lot of pluck

Dad named her Slasher and that name stuck

She was feisty and loud and stubborn and strong

as she marched through life with a will and a song

she was clever and canny and had a very quick wit

she loved to sew, cross-stitch and knit

Leslie was thoughtful and full of compassion

she loved all creatures but for dogs had a passion

she was a talented singer with a resonant sound

she once sang in Sydney with her hat on the ground

as I reflect on my sister and the years that have past

our childhood together rushed by so fast

she was better at puzzles and beat me at games.

She was clever with crosswords, remembered folk’s names

In my mind she is still that determined young girl

who walked her own path with a vigorous twirl

she will remain with me until I depart

tucked away safely deep in my heart.

I found the letters you wrote to your sister and read them

was I wrong? should I have burnt them or shred them?

I read how you felt when she passed and you missed her

I read how you pleaded for the help of your sister

I read of your worries, your shame and your fears

I read what you hid from us across the years

as I read each letter full of love and reflection

I relived your loving, close knit connection

I remembered when both of you walked the earth

finished each others thoughts, buckled with mirth

shared a love so deep it transcended death

was alive and warm till you took your last breath.

In my mind you are once more reunited

walking freely, friendship and love reignited,

The love of two sisters, from birth to leaving

you are together and I shouldn’t be grieving.

Life goes on, inexorably, slowly edging forward into the unknown

Opening pockets of loss, revealing sudden sensations of grief

A smell, a comment, the tears erupt, breathing is laboured

Chest feels constricted and the brain becomes fuzzy and sad

My heart is heavy in my chest, my head is heavy on my shoulders

My throat is constricted, all because I looked for what was missing

I looked for a comment, a word, a phone call, I looked for love

I looked for meaning, I found a space, a large, looming gap

I looked for comfort and found it in my friends and family

It rains a lot in Cornwall, and the wind is blustery too

There is mud from one end to the other, we all know that is true

I have walked the coastal paths with unsteady, slippery gait

Avoiding rain filled puddles and trying not to skate

I have walked on misty mornings where the view is just a peek

A promise of what’s to come, a beauty quite unique

The rolling greenness of the hills, the birdsong overhead

The bluebells glowing in the woods, the badgers all abed

The glorious blue of a sun-soaked sea, surfers in the rain

The villages seeped in history, many secrets they retain

The raucous call of the seagull, the glimpse of a hunting seal

The thorny scratch of a blackberry bush,  the berry’s juicy appeal

I have seen the buzzard overhead, coasting by easily

I have watched the tall ships sailing by, flying by breezily

I recall the ghosts of previous walks, companions now long gone

The chat, the laughter, the wonder shared, I never feel alone

Cause they are with me on the coastal path, we are never apart

We walk together companionably, in the centre of my heart

Sometimes I feel alone when I’m surrounded by good folk

Where my values and opinions are defined as feminist and woke

And the demands of polite behaviour makes me want to choke

I hear my voice and deep inside I wish I had never spoke

Sometimes my age defines me and people think I’m cute

And laugh at every utterance, and tell me I’m a hoot

Sometimes I am seen as wise and regarded as astute

But I long to dance a jig in a hat and birthday suit

There are times I’m on my own and have inner conversations

When I reflect upon the journey of myself and my relations

And I linger on the dangers of miscommunications

Wondering if my children will acheive their expectations

Gender, age and race, ability and status

Inhibit and restrain how folk around us rate us

Our passions and beliefs influence them to like or hate us

And we can end up in a group of people who just bait us

When I am alone I’m rarely lonely, my thoughts are always turning

My busy brain is analysing the issues that are concerning

From my family to wars and global forest burning

But sometimes, in groups, I feel loneliness returning.

Bother, dash and blast!

This year’s gone by so fast!

I’m feeling a little dizzy

but I have been very busy

I went on holiday on train

I went to UK on a plane

I’ve sung with friends in Tassie

I’m a very busy lassie!

I’ve shared many lunches

eaten countless brunches

of books I’ve read many

I havent saved a penny!

I’ve farewelled a special pal

a much loved, lovely gal

I work two days a week

my bank account looks bleak

I’ve loved family and friends

Now the year comes to an end

I wait for granchild number eight

(who has missed the arrival date)

this year has gone so fast

looking back, it’s been a blast

I have read a book or two

tales of love and derring do

where women scream

and children dream

and men are tough

but sweet and gruff

I have entered the lives of ancient folk

highway robbers in mask and cloak

I have felt the fear of being stalked

and seen the road with body chalked

I have endured the stress of Austen’s stories

where women live to praise men’s glory

I have read fantasy, horror and fairy tales

unable to sleep for the plight of whales

I have been scared to death and bored to tears

and when I look back from across the years

I wonder how many hours I’ve expended

avoiding various jobs that have pended

‘But here’s the rub’ (is that misquoted?)

When there’s a good book the rest is outvoted

My decision to attend a book club was laudable

so many books and now I’ve joined Audible!

I woke to the patter of heavy rain, a dark, damp morning

Overcast, dull and wet, wet, wet. A misly, drisly blowy day

I could hear cars swishing and sloshing in the flooded road

Drearily I joined the crawling queue, car rocking in the wind

Car radio booming out tales of war, violence and loss

Wipers swishing rhythmically, heater blowing cold air

Young people trudging, reflecting the misery, soaked

Shop lights flickering, people running, dodging cars

Then , there on the pavement, on a cold, wet dark morning

There was a woman, clothed in black, with white shiny boots

Flowing blonde hair and a transparent umbrella

As I watched she twirled and skipped and clicked her heels

She danced in the rain, in the heavy downpour she swayed

She cavorted,  she pranced, she jumped, hopped and span

The rain flew off her umbrella as she pirouetted

The puddles splashed and twinkled as she tapped and stamped

I watched, laughter spilling, dreariness forgot

I watched as she walked on, my spirits lifted