Penny's Jottings

What is love? How is love defined?

where do I find it? how do I express it?

is love unconditional, unquestioning, all accepting?

is lust love? Or just a primeval urge to procreate?

after lust comes comfort, acceptance and liking

if we are lucky.

is friendship love? Or a need to obliterate lonliness?

a desire for safety? a wish to be accepted? an addition to self?

is family love? or following an accepted pathway of tradition?

When we talk of love do we reveal a projected feeling of need?

do we express love only to increase our own circle of happiness?

when I say ‘I love you’ what does that encompass?

do I love the person I wish to see through my own lens of comprehension?

Or am I loving the facsimile of myself

sometimes I feel love flow out of me, it is warm and mystic and embracing

sometimes I feel love flow out of me it is sad and cool and questioning

sometimes my heart feels full and my head throbs with love

love is thrown round easily, phone calls end with a light ‘love you’

we talk of loving art, loving holidays, loving dogs, loving kids

what of marriage? is marriage love with its boiling pot of mixed emotion?

jealousy, anger, violence, pride, control, acceptance, excitement etcetera!

what is love? No clues!

They’re off on an adventure

seeking for fullfillment

looking for a new life

and I’m not crying

they’re driving to their future

to a life of sunshine and sea

the unknown beckons to them

and I’m not sad

Their car is overflowing

the boats fixed on the roof’

They are moving far away

I’m happy for them

A new life is calling to them

a siren song of hope

a rainbows end in sight

I’ll miss them

They’ve left a mighty chasm

The dog and whisky too

a sad old mum and some mangoes

Alright! I’m crying!

Everything that begins has an end

nothing stays the same

from the first whisper to the last gasp

the circle is complete

from ovulation to the grave

from glimmer to execution

change is inevitable,

change

moving on

moving through

moving

nothing stays the same

the world clanks on with inevitable monotony

excitement for the futue

reflection on the past

past memories,

past loves

past elation, past devastation

Everything that begins has an end

even me!

I didn’t know I would mourn the Queens loss

I didn’t think that I’d give a toss

But there I was with a tear in my eye

Watching with sadness her coffin pass by

I am no Royalist I’d state with a grin

All that pomp and wealth isn’t taking me in

But when I look back on Christmas’s past

(and yes the number of those are quite vast)

There is the Queen in all her glory

Giving a rundown of the past years story

Her hats, her handbags, her sensible shoes

Her stoic smile through the worst of the news

She was a hard-working woman just like me

With kids and dogs and a nice cup of tea

When I was six I stood in the street

Waved a flag and got sore feet

I was there at the beginning and now at the end

Though I never met her and she wasn’t my friend

I think I will miss her, she was part of my life

may she rest in peace, no more earthly strife

Two under two what a brave thing to do,

Juggling appointments and schedules too

Tantrums and nappies and sweet baby’s talk

Vomit and dribbles, a scream filled walk

Two under two what a stressful thing to do

No time for a wash and I need the loo,

My bed is not made and I haven’t got dressed

Toys underfoot, the house is a mess

Two under two where did my life go?

I work hard all day with nothing to show

No social life, I Just lost my touch,

I’m sleep deprived, I miss sleep so much

Two under two no time to clean

My nipples are sore, is it too early to wean?

I don’t have the time to mop the floor

To dust and polish is what I did before

Two under two what an Exhausting thing to do,

the toddler wont sleep, baby cries on cue

I just long to rest,  to put up my feet

To be able to chat with the people I meet

Two under two what a difficult thing to do

The toddler is painting the walls a pale blue

The baby is crying, the husband is stressed

We’re all eating fast food, my hair is a mess,

Two under two is just too much to do

there’s washing piling up, and it’s raining too

dishes in the sink, Cocomelon on repeat

a hot cup of tea would be such a treat

Two under two what an Amazing thing to do

Both healthy and happy and beautiful too

watching them grow with joy and pride

We love every minute my husband and I

By Heather Lees with a little help from her mum

Tis Christmas in July and time for celebration

No Santas flying by, no garish decoration

No stocking hanging up to receive expensive gifts

Just meeting up with friends to give ourselves a lift

No planning secret Santa, no spending too much cash

No frantic buying frenzy, no midnight bargain dash

No cooking up a turkey on a hot midsummer day

No family treats and tantrums, no people here to stay

No Christmas cards to monitor (there may be more to send)

No children’s Santa letters with demands that never end

No wine spilt on the carpet, no prawns to wrap and freeze

No water guns or bombs, no crying children to appease

No regrets for buying presents for folk who spend much less

No farewelling friends and family and cleaning up the mess!

No receiving gifts unwanted with a smile and pretend joy

No outward relaxed presence when treading on a toy (specially lego)

But its Christmas in July and a time that we will treasure

No stress, no pain, no tension, just an evening of pleasure

We’ll sing a song or two just to get us in the mood

And then we’ll have some fun and games and eat a lot of food

Hooray for our midwinter cause its cold and wet and breezy

And winter clothes are loose and long and never feel too squeezy

So eating up a Christmas meal in winter is real easy

But we will have to be aware that summers on its way

And swimsuits will betray us all on our next Christmas day

Its my birthday once more

I really cant keep score!

am I fifteen or thirty eight again?

the years rush by so fast

has a year really passed?

I missed it while singing in the rain

I am fit to a degree

well… fit as I can be

fat and feisty, and face life with a grin

I’ve seen many sights

had magic sleepless nights

and I’m happy to wear the shoes I am in

I saw Elvis from the start

Cliff Richard won my heart

Bobby Dylan gave me food to think

I loved the Beatles sound

and Queen’s ‘Champion’ pound

experiences pass by in a blink

I have little to regret

and maybe there’s time yet

to empty my bucket of desires

footloose and fancy free

There is just George and me!

do I have time to set the world on fire?

There you are

A kind man, doing kind things

Known for your kindness

Being kind

There you are

A wicked man

Doing wicked things

Known for your wickedness

Being wicked

Blended

Combined

Joined

Unified, one.

The mouth open

Smiling

Snarling

Open and smiling and snarling

The eyes wide

Winking

Glaring

Wide and winking and glaring

The hands soothing

Gentle

Beating

Soothing, gentle and forcing

The shadow of evil hovers and darkens

Memories re-formed and reproduced

Love tainted with fearful suspicion

Love tainted with fearful suspicion

Nothing is the same

A lifetime changed

Everything is changed,

Everything is changed

No person is all good or all bad

But the good crumbles

Lost forever

gone

There you are, two-faced man

Kind and loving, cruel and wicked

Goodness erased by evil

You only have one face

Our book club’s kind of fun,

right back when it begun

we would seriously analyse the book

But then we got to chat

And really that was that

The chosen text never got another look

we confide to each other

about our skills as a mother

and the challenges of getting men to work                     

we talk of working pressure

the joy and pain of leisure

and the silence of our own teenage jerk

We discuss our mental health  

And our lack of personal wealth

And constant harassment from the boss

We talk of love and hate

And our latest online date

And the overwhelming stress of grief and loss

We laugh with each other

And we cry with each other

We give praise when one of us does well

We eat with each other

And we drink with each other

We share what we swore we’d never tell

 Our book club’s kind of fun

But the book’s not number one

We have lots of other topics to discuss

We have gossip to be done

And that is much more fun

we just love to be together with just us