Penny's Jottings

I was born in England; I was British through and through

I understood class systems ; I knew what to do

I moved to Australia when I was twenty two

I knew who I was

I have been in Australia for more than 40 years

I’ve had four children and learnt to swallow beers

some time has been spent in shedding homesick tears

but I’m happy!!

I became an Australian, I proudly took the vow

to be a law abiding citizen to the Aussie flag i bow

I am settled in Australia I’m a great grandma now

and I’m happy!!

But something really bothers me,  I do not understand

I am seen as an Australian when I am in England

but here in Australia ‘Pommie Bastard’ is my brand

am I a Pom-Aus?

I feel like I’m in limbo with no sense of identity

I am unsure how to describe the real me

in either country my persona fits uneasily

who am I?

My children start to groan when I ‘mispronounce ‘ a word

‘Mums English accent’ is the comment to be heard

But when I’m in England no-one understands a word

They shout at me!

My children are Australian, my parents are both Brits

I have an American sister, my family is in bits!

I have no clue where my true allegiance sits!

I just don’t fit!

All immigrants must have the same experience as me

their culture shock I recognise, with empathy!

Australia’s Fair be gentle to the scared refugee

Enter the stone-walled building where the floors are worn by feet

where loving true believers have sewn cushions for your seat

acknowledge the friends and neighbours, nods and smiles and waves

a bow for the man-made altar, for the presence of He who saves

Sing with a loud voice rejoicing that the birth of the babe is near

swell with pride as the children sing with voices loud and clear

feel the bumps of joyous arousal as the choir sings silent night

then it’s home for a toddy and mince pie with Christmas day in sight

sitting waiting for my tyre to be changed, phones ringing, people chatting, magazines on the table enticing me to read about the latest hatch match and dispatches

‘Your tyre cannot be fixed madam, and if you have a new one you will need a new one on the other side as well, a wheel alignment is essential’

‘sit right down madam,  it will only take half an hour’ read the magazine, who split up with who and what have the royals been doing this time!!

gazing moodily out of the window thinking about life, wishing i had brought a book, having conversations in my head, sorting out my world

‘Your car’s ready Madam, here is the bill’ should have just bought a new car I mutter as I walk out to the car , off to work at last!

people in the cake shop busy making cakes

barista making coffee, tea and thick milk shakes

people bustling past with early morning quips

talking of the football and hopeful Melbourne trips

babies in a swaddle looking confidently round

mothers sipping coffee and a yummy cake they found

people in a hurry with coffee takeaway

chatting, laughing, sharing as they face another day

snatches of conversation heard ‘she said he said’

tired folk after night shift going home to bed

morning people rushing to start the working day

each life touched momentarily then hurrying away

a hustle and a bustle piped music overhead

scraping chairs and laughter lights flickering overhead

children chatting, whiny, gurgling baby noises too

lucky to be here  sipping coffee waiting for you

That final career move, the end of work, is that really right for me?

Have i achieved all  I wanted, am I now at the end? will my workplace cease to be?

as I gaze down the years from then to here it seems to be just a flash

as quick as a wink, gone in a blink and what did I do with  that cash?

I feel like a teenager full of angst, not sure how to behave or to be

if I retire from work and start to shirk what will become of me?

Will I start to bemoan all the aches and the pains that seem to trouble the old

will I hunch up my back, forget where I am and complain of the heat and the cold?

will my skin become wrinkled and my eyesight fade, will I repeat myself endlessly too

Will I forget who I am and be put in a home out of danger and out of thoughts too

but before that all happens I could spend some time wandering all over Australia

looking at the rock, checking out beaches not chatting about what may ail yer!

the cycle of life is a wonderful thing each change can be seen as adventure

but should I retire ? well the old adage says there is nothing to gain with no venture!!

Invasive thoughts

poking into me

pushing me