Penny's Jottings

I need to reinvent myself to get from there to now

I need to reinvent myself but I’m not certain how

I need to introduce myself in a very different way

but when I meet new people I’m not sure what to say

I need to reinvent my life and plan a new direction

not sit and wonder what to do in unfocused self reflection

all my life I have been driven; in my work and in my leisure

success and achievement was a very careful measure

But my working life is ending and I have time twixt now and death

to decide how best to spend my life before that final breath

will I trek around Australia or sing in a quartet

will I garden or crochet, make environmental bags of net

will I shout out the inequality I see in this great land

wave a flag, advocate, take a strong and informed stand

will I seek further study and be knowledgeable and wise

share my findings with like thinkers; put blinkers on my eyes

Any change brings reflection and the future is not certain

But I know I’m gonna have a ball before the final curtain

Just need to reinvent myself lol

I am a Mum

Oh I love my baby; Oh I love you so

Oh I love you baby; More than you will ever know

But I’m a mum and I like to dream

At 3 am when my children scream

I’d like to have a shower without the constant chat

The tittle tattle telling of who did this and that

I’d like to go out shopping and not buy a sugar treat

With no begging little bundle cluttering my feet

But I’m a mum no time to ponder

I’m chasing children when they wander

Packing lunches, lacing shoes

Finding hats my children lose

I’d like to be an adult eating lunch with single friends

Discussing the environment and when the world may end

I’d like to wear just one dress to last me all the day

With no chocolate finger marks that I need to wash away

I’m a mum I have no time

I’m in the kitchen making slime

Late for school, I find with dread

My child’s the one with the itchy head

I want to be an artist painting models in the nude

Go gracefully to galleries to see my work reviewed

I’d like to stroll along the beach with light wind in my hair

Holding hands with my lover living life without care

But I’m a mum who could want for more

As toddlers tantrum on the kitchen floor

With lively children I adore

I’m a Mum who could want for more,

Life’s a dance, a minuet, a crazy twisted Jive
full of great surprises that keep us all alive
folk seem to have a rhythm’ a personal heavy beat
That seeks to intermingle with the people that they meet
life’s journey has its pauses, it’s time for introspection
when we stop and remember, and spend time in self reflection
As for me I linger gratefully on the friendships I have had
on the laughter and the sadness on the times both good and bad
Here I am at my retirement, dancing that last slow dance of work
looking forward to beginning the new dance ‘retirement shirk’
on the cusp of changing lifestyle I know how lucky I have been
I have helped to make a difference, I have worked with a dreamy team
I have spent time with all the people at my retirement lunch
and I know them as a committed, workaholic, disparate bunch
with shared dreams and complete focus towards a common goal
we have laughed and cried and worked and I love each diverse soul
my full time working dance has ended, my gaze is readjusting
I will spend time with my family and maybe a little dusting
Read books and walk some paths and enjoy being with my mates
a little part time teaching, thanks for the dance, its been great!
Love Part time Pen

Laughing the girl waved a razor in my direction

she is shaving her head for cancer, wants donations

on the table is a donation box, I put money in it

‘Thankyou’ she says running fingers through long brown hair

‘My daughter in law died of cancer last year’ I say, starkly

the words enter my head, last year, is it already last year?

tears in my eyes as I remember the last time I saw Sharon

yellow, tired, dying

I want to scream out ‘she is dead’ but I go and choose a cauliflower

life goes on, I am alive

I learnt to read when I was small I remember the first book I read

I always have a book open, in the lounge, in the bath, in my bed

I like murders, comedy and drama, I read magazines and newspapers too

I lose myself in the pages following narrative  made up and true

I cry and I laugh with the characters, I follow their tales to the end

and now I share the joy and pain when I talk of the books with my friends

We meet once a month, we eat and we drink and talk of our personal stuff

we laugh and we cry, discuss the book and go home when we’ve had enough

we’ve read lots of books, some good and some bad and shared our personal stories

we talk of our families, our loves and our hates, our sorrows our losses and glories

We cook for each other, well I order pizza, and share lots of wine and much laughter

I look forward to book club once a month, hope we’re together for ever after 🙂

I like to practice mindfulness, its the adult thing to do

But when it comes to doing it I haven’t got a clue!

I start by putting all my troubles in bubbles in the sky

then each one pops  and supposedly away my problems fly

I settle down my thinking, I relax and close my eyes

I listen, hearing birds, a lawn mower and buzzing flies

an Airplane flies overhead and  Oh I remember when!

Memories flood my brain, concentrations gone again.

I’m going to try once more, I am sure that I can do it

I relax and close my eyes and try to forget that I just blew it

I hear the pool pump rumble and the chatter of children’s voices

I wonder what they want for lunch and think about their choices

Buggar! done it again, I have a brain which never slows

It wanders about all over the place, never knowing where it goes

Mindfulness is a useful skill to help when troubles prevail ya

but I must admit when it comes to focus, I am a complete failure!

The other day someone asked me what I do in my spare time

I answered facetiously ‘I don’t have any spare time’

What is spare time? Time left over from another day , not used yet?

Unnamed?  Un-allocated?  Unused?

I love the idea of spare time, something I can put away and use later

I could save a few minutes each day and have a longer holiday

I could give some of my un-allocated time to people who need more time

Spare time is a myth, all time is used up, sometimes productively and sometimes unproductively

My time is allocated, I use every second, Spare is not applicable here

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